Borderlands | Retreats for men navigating a midlife crisis
In Western culture, puberty is often seen as a single, chaotic transition—a storm that transforms a child into an adult. Once it’s over, adulthood is expected to be a steady march toward old age. But life doesn’t follow a straight path. Midlife, often dismissed as just another stage, is a second puberty—a time of upheaval and opportunity.
In Vedic and yogic traditions, urdhva retas (urdhva = “upward” and retas = “seeds”) describes a lifelong process of growth. Think of it like a seedling breaking through the soil. In our early years, we focus on survival, rooting ourselves in the basics. As we grow, our energy, like sap, rises up through the spine, nurturing different aspects of our being until we eventually reach for the sky.
Midlife is a time when this upward journey gains new significance. It’s a chance to assess where we’ve been, prune what’s no longer needed, and prepare for new growth. This isn’t about coping with ageing; it’s about using the wisdom we’ve gained to push past old boundaries and continue evolving.
As we age, subtle changes like declining testosterone can shift our energy and mood in ways that are easy to miss but hard to ignore. Psychologically, midlife is a crossroads. Erik Erikson describes it as the stage of “generativity versus stagnation,” where we reflect on our contributions and legacy. Carl Jung saw midlife as a time for individuation—a process of integrating the unconscious parts of ourselves into a more complete whole.
The journey of urdhva retas through the chakras mirrors our midlife transformation. From the Muladhara (root chakra), where we ground ourselves in survival, energy rises through the Swadhisthana (sacral chakra), which fuels creativity and sexuality. The Manipura (solar plexus) chakra represents power and will, while the Anahata (heart chakra) symbolises love and connection. The Vishuddha (throat chakra) governs communication and truth, leading to the Ajna (third eye) chakra, which offers insight and intuition. Finally, the journey reaches the Sahasrara (crown chakra), where enlightenment and unity blossom.
This isn’t just about energy flow; it’s about integrating the physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of life. Midlife isn’t an endpoint—it’s a powerful midpoint, where we can realign with our true selves and continue evolving.
James Hollis, in The Middle Passage, describes midlife as a period of profound psychological transition. It’s a time to confront the unfulfilled aspects of our lives and the unconscious forces that have shaped us. Hollis’s insights resonate with the concept of urdhva retas, emphasising that growth doesn’t stop at adulthood but continues throughout life, driving us toward deeper self-awareness and fulfilment.
Victoria Dunaeva’s research highlights that midlife crises—experienced by both men and women—are moments of deep reflection. For men, this often involves grappling with questions of mortality, identity, and accomplishment. But rather than viewing this as a crisis, it can be seen as a necessary wake-up call—a chance to embrace new growth.
Midlife is more than just a time for crisis or resignation. It’s a second puberty, a phase rich with the potential for profound transformation. Urdhva retas reminds us that our growth doesn’t stop with the first bloom of youth. Like a tree, our roots run deep, but our branches continue to reach upward, toward the light. We prune, we shed old leaves, but we also blossom anew. This journey is about more than just surviving—it’s about thriving. It’s about reaching upward, growing stronger, and letting the full force of life flow through us, from roots to crown.
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